Funny Sick Jokes
How do you...
How do you make an Essex girl pregnant? Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest!
Berty Dum
A lesson learnt
A boy comes home after school one day with a big smile on his face. His mother notices and asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mum. I had sex with my English teacher!"
Hearing this, the mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when his father comes home and hears the news rather than being mad, he's pleased and beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher today."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today, this is cause for celebration. What do you say we get some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new mountain bike you've been asking for."
"Thanks Dad! That sounds really great, but can't I have a football instead? My butt is killing me."
Kelly Smunt
Tramps
One night, two starving tramps are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other tramp, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!" replies the second tramp, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and all!"
The first tramp says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first tramp says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.
The second tramp sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!"
Bet Weaver
Hot Chilli
A man sits down in a diner and asks for the hot chile. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
So, he gets a cup of coffee. Then he sees that the guy next to him has finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full. He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. You can have it."
The guy takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, he sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."
Rusty Mectum
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