Funny Irish Jokes
Paddy and Murphy get the day off
Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!'
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!'
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home.'
So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.
'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy.
Submitted by Paddy O'Really
Paddy O'Murphy's Moving Box
Paddy O'Murphy goes to a carpenter. "Can you build me a box that's two inches deep, two inches wide and 50 feet long?"
"Well," says the carpenter, "it could be done, I suppose, but what would you be wanting with a box like that?"
"Well" said the Irishman, "my neighbour moved away and forgot to take a few things with him -- and he asked me to send him his garden hose."
Submitted by Murphy O'Muygod
Stupid Wives
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in."
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both fell out of the stupid tree and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every toime oi tink of it," he chuckles. "Moy woife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. Oy watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!"
Submitted by Miss Murphy O'Conner
Paddy's walk in the country
Paddy was taking a walk in the country. In a field he noticed something that intrigued him. Why doesn't this cow have any horns?
He asked the local farmer.
"Well sir, they can damage their horns so we usually keep them trimmed down with a hacksaw. You can also treat young calves so their horns never grow. And some breeds don't have any horns at all," the farmer replied.
The farmer continued, "But this cow doesn't have any horns because it's a horse!"
Submitted by Leah Tard
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